


Time Heals All Wounds

by EldritchSandwich



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Baseball, Bittersweet, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluffy Sandwich, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Interlude, Memories, Racism, Slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 05:53:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13944318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EldritchSandwich/pseuds/EldritchSandwich
Summary: With the help of friends and lovers Alice Washington, the Sole Survivor of Vault 111, faces down a few of the many, many ghosts of her past.





	1. Wondering How You Got Your Scars

**Author's Note:**

> While it's not a major part of the story and is not depicted, this story (specifically Chapter 2) contains reference to and discussion of a past sexual assault. It also contains period-appropriate racist language, specifically regarding East Asians and Asian-Americans.
> 
> Also, while this work is technically finished, more chapters might be added exploring Alice's other relationships and emotional baggage, if time and inspiration allow.
> 
> Also also, I have no idea why the chapters are all named after lines from Sia's 'The Bully'. It just sort of happened. Don't @ me.

"Blue?"

"Hm?"

"I was just wondering about something."

Alice turned her head. They were bedded down for the night on an old mattress at a long-abandoned campsite outside Salem, and Piper was wrapped around her tightly to help ward off the chill in the air and because...well, why wouldn't she be? Alice was a world away from not taking every excuse she could to sleep wrapped up in beautiful women. "What is it?"

"I was just wondering...where did you get this?" Piper's warm fingertips brushed the scar, faint but messy between her right eyebrow and her hairline. "I just mean...it's old, right? As in before...all this. Before the War."

Alice nodded gently into the touch with a sigh. "I was eight. Some other kids were...they were throwing rocks at me."

Alice felt Piper stiffen against her back. "Wait, what? Why?" Alice's lips pursed, and in the ensuing silence Piper frowned. "Sorry. I don't wanna push, you don't have to talk about it if it's too painful, or—"

The corner of Alice's lips tipped up. "Piper, it's fine. I was just...trying to think of how to explain." Alice fell silent for a few more seconds, then rolled onto her back. "Okay, so...how much do you know about the War? Who was fighting it, why it happened?"

Piper blinked in confusion at the sudden non sequitur. "Uh, well let's see...I know it was between America and this other country called China. I know they were fighting over resources, whatever people hadn't already burned up or mined or whatever. Plus I don't know, something about communism?"

Alice couldn't stop a chuckle from escaping her lips. "Yeah, that's pretty much it. Do you know what people from China looked like? Or, maybe still look like, I don't know." Piper shrugged, and Alice gestured up toward her own face. "Pretty much like me. See, my family were refugees from another country called Japan, one of the first places China invaded. They came to America trying to get away, but then it turned out that it didn't really matter which country you were from; if you looked Oriental, there were plenty of people ready to assume you were a Chinese communist infiltrator and treat you accordingly. And when I was eight, this boy named Tommy Lawrence, who already didn't like me, got word that his father had been killed in the fighting. So he decided it was all that gook girl's fault and got some of his friends together after school to make me pay for it. They only threw about five rocks before one of the janitors found us, but it was enough to make me realize that no matter how hard I tried, or how good or smart or patriotic I was, America was never going to be my home."

Piper's grip on her waist tightened, her head tucked into the neck of Alice's vault suit. "God, Blue..."

Alice shrugged. It still made her tense up talking about it, but it was all so far away it was more like talking about a nightmare she'd had. "After that I didn't really have many friends; even the white kids who didn't hate me weren't willing to be friends with a gook, and I stayed away from other Asian kids so it wouldn't look like we were 'conspiring,' I just kept my head down and focused on my studies. My parents were so proud when I got my law degree." _Not so proud that they stopped needling her about the fact that she didn't have a husband yet_ , she added silently to herself.

And just like that, she tensed up all over again. Piper looked up. "What's wrong?"

Alice swallowed. "I'm fine. I just...all this talk about the past got me thinking about...about Nate."

Piper frowned gently. "Your husband?" Alice nodded. "Was he from Japan too?"

Alice chuckled. "No. No, he was an all-American white boy. We met in high school, he...he was the only boy who admitted he was attracted to me instead of just spitting on me for being an Oriental whore. It didn't matter that I didn't want to date anyone, he...he still went out of his way to be nice to me." Piper settled back against her, and Alice breathed in. "Right around the time I finished law school he came back from his first tour in the army, and...he was different. More confident, more driven. We met back up and he just...asked me to marry him. Just like that."

Even with her eyes on the hazy sky, she could feel Piper's gaze on her. "You really loved him."

Alice swallowed down the lump in her throat. "He was my best friend. And I told him, the night he proposed I broke down in tears and told him that I'd met these girls while I was away at school and that I was pretty sure I could never love him or any man the way he said he loved me, and...he didn't care. He said he still wanted to spend the rest of his life with me." Alice sucked in a breath as the tears started to flow. "And I...I tried to give him everything I could, I really did, I tried to be a good wife and a good mother and...now I'm here, and he's gone, and I can't help feeling...relieved. Does that make me a monster?"

"Oh god, Blue, honey, no..." Piper leaned in, cupping her face and kissing the tears from her cheeks. "No, come on, don't do that to yourself. Look, if...if he was really your friend, if he really cared about you that much, then he'd want you to find love, right? After he was gone?"

Unbidden, images rose in her mind of those first nights after he came back from his second tour, the tension at the dinner table as she agonized over how or whether to bring it up. Finally she'd swallowed her nerves along with a mouthful of potatoes and just blurted it out: about how she'd needed to get the car fixed, about Camille, the auto mechanic with the rough hands and the soft smile, about the fact that she was a lying whore just like all the other boys in high school had said. Nate had been quiet for a long time.

Then he'd said "I'm in love with you, you know that?" She'd bitten her lip so hard she tasted blood, but said nothing. He just shook his head. "You don't have to say anything. Just know...I'm in love with you. And the fact that you're not in love with me...it hurts." He was looking at his dinner, pushing peas and carrots around the plate. "But the idea that...that you'll never have _anyone_ to feel that way about...that hurts more."

She remembered holding her breath. Looking back on that night, she only now realized how close he must have been to just walking away, and how close she was to asking him to. But instead they'd finished dinner in silence, gone to bed, and never talked about it again. She'd redoubled her efforts to be happy, and to make him happy, and then they'd had Shaun, and...

Alice let out a long, shuddering breath. "You're right." She rolled over, her body flush with Piper's as their lips touched, then lingered. "I love you, Piper," she murmured against that smart mouth. "I'm in love with you."

She could feel Piper grin against her lips. "I love you too, Blue."


	2. Still Making the World a Better Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains discussion of a past sexual assault.

"So what'd you do then? Back in the old days?"

Alice looked over her shoulder at Cait as they each picked over the body of one of the freshly-ventilated raiders who'd seen them walking downtown and erroneously thought the two lightly-armored women would be an easy target. "What?"

"Were you a merc or a soldier or summat? Just wonderin' how you got so good at killin' folks is all."

Alice shook her head sadly. "No. Actually, I was a lawyer."

"A what-in-the-hell?"

Alice blew out a breath as she pocketed a few extra rifle rounds from the dead raider's belt. "People hired me to be on their side when they had to settle a dispute with someone."

"Uh-huh. And that's different from a mercenary how exactly?"

"I didn't use guns, I used words." She turned again to find Cait staring with her eyebrows raised, and groaned. "Okay, so...in the old days, when you had a dispute with someone, instead of just shooting them you'd take the matter before an impartial judge who'd hear both sides and then declare who was right. A lawyer was someone you could hire to argue on your behalf. Someone who knew the law and could present your case better than you could."

"So a lot of talkin' and studyin' and research and the like?"

"More or less."

"Then if you don't mind my askin', how exactly did you end up a gunslingin' badass?"

"My husband was a solider. He taught me to use a gun, said I needed to be able to protect myself." She frowned. "I guess he wasn't wrong about that."

"But you never killed anyone before you woke up in that freezer?"

Alice paused. _Come on, stop playing dumb, I thought you little Asian sluts were supposed to be all submissive and eager to please and shit!_ "Hey." _What's the matter, everybody knows you like a white man's cock just fine, and I guarantee mine's bigger than your skinny little bitch husband's..._ "You alive over there?" _Shut the fuck up! No one's gonna believe you, you fucking whore! Now just lie down and—_ "Snap out of it!"

Alice's head jerked up as Cait grabbed her shoulder, the look in her eyes a little confused and a little alarmed. Alice shook her head. "I'm fine."

"You're shakin'. What the hell's goin' on?"

Alice slumped her shoulders down, away from Cait's touch. "It's nothing. I said I'm fine."

Cait blinked, then her eyes hardened and her hand pulled back. "Right. Fine. 'Fuck off, Cait' it is then."

Alice blinked. "What?" She rose to her feet as Cait stomped off toward the broken window leading back down to the street. "Where the hell are you going?"

"Oh, you give a shit?" Cait snapped. "Figured we were done here. Not like you'd tell me, would you?"

Alice shook her head. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Cait spun around. "Well, I mean, I know I ain't your first choice Piper or your precious, innocent little fuckbot. Thought we were at least gonna be honest with each other, but no! So you just go cry your little heart out all over them and leave me hangin' on for when you need a hired gun or a cheap fuck!"

Alice flinched as if she'd been slapped. "Oh, fuck you! Don't make this about your shit, Cait, because I've got shit too!"

Cait rolled her eyes. "Oh please! Little Miss Perfect with her white picket fence and her perfect soft girlfriends tryin' to make the broken junkie she's stringin' along think she's ever had one real problem!"

"Well fucking excuse me for not wanting to tell everyone I fucking meet about the man whose brains I blew out for trying to fucking rape me!" Until she heard the echo off the walls, Alice didn't realize how loud she'd screamed. When she looked back down, Cait's eyes were wide, and she flinched again. "I...I didn't—"

Cait swallowed. "I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

As the silence settled over them, Alice's shoulders fell. "I didn't feel guilty." Cait said nothing, just kept half-watching her as she took a deep, shuddering breath. "He was a...a neighbor. When Nate was overseas, he...he'd come by the house a lot. To 'check up on me.' I tried to brush him off, but he just...kept coming. One afternoon, when no one else was around, he came in when I was in the shower and..." She swallowed. "I kept the...the gun Nate bought me in the toilet tank. Told myself I'd never use it. He...he pushed me down on the toilet, and he didn't know it was there and...I got it under his chin." Alice looked up to find Cait still watching her, eyes guarded but with a glimmer of understanding beneath. Alice shook her head. "I was...seeing a woman at the time. Camille. She was...a little like you, actually. Harder. She...helped me get rid of him. I called her and we put the...the body in her car and we never spoke of it again. I never told anyone else, not even Nate." She glanced back up again. "You're the only person alive who knows."

Cait winced. "Fuck, darlin', c'mere..." Alice collapsed into her arms, the wiry muscle wrapped around her finally letting her breathe. "It's all right. I'dda done the same thing and a lot worse..."

"I know," Alice said. "That's the thing. I never felt guilty. I was...scared of getting caught, worried about what it meant for the future, but...he deserved to die. And when I woke up here, and things were so different...I never hesitated. Because some people do things to other people that are unforgivable, and they deserve to die. And I used to worry that thinking that way made me a monster, but since I woke up...since I met you..."

Cait leaned in, her nose tipping up Alice's so their lips could meet. The kiss was briefer and gentler than she was used to from Cait, not as needy or as desperate. She'd always assumed that was down to Cait, but now she wasn't so sure.

"You weren't lyin', darlin'," Cait said with a smirk as they pulled apart. "We're just fucked-up enough for each other, aren't we?"

And Alice let herself laugh.  



	3. Only in Hindsight

"Something tells me they're not getting their deposit back." Alice snorted in agreement as she glanced around the ruined office that looked—not inappropriately—like a bomb had gone off. But as she leaned down to work her magic on the safe under the manager's desk, her fingers paused. She looked up to find Nick looking down at her, a curious glint in the mechanical detective's already glowing eyes. "Something the matter?"

Alice shook her head. "No, sorry. It's just...you know what a security deposit is. I guess I keep forgetting that you...well, other Nick was from the same time as me." She turned back to the safe. "I mean...you have his memories. Memories from before the War. Not just cases and police training, but...life. You know about security deposits and television shows and...oh my god." Alice looked back up at Nick, a glimmer of hope in her eyes. "Was old Nick...a baseball fan?"

Nick blinked. The expression on his plastic face went from curiosity to confusion, then to thought. "I think...yeah. Yeah, he was from Chicago, he was a Cubs fan. A big one. You're from around here, right?"

"Concord, born and raised."

"So you're a Red Sox fan."

Alice smiled. "Yeah. In fact before I walked into Diamond City for the first time I was thinking about the last time I was at Fenway: game three of the 2077 World Series." Alice's fingers, bobby pin, and screwdriver paused in the lock. "Shit. I just realized...game four was scheduled for the 23rd. I think...I think I was at the last baseball game ever played."

Nick whistled, which Alice thought was pretty impressive for someone made out of metal. "Damn. Who made the series in '77 anyway? Nick was already with the Institute by then."

Alice chuckled. "Boston and Texas."

Nick laughed. "Well hell, if there has to be a ball game to go out on..."

"Right?"

"Tell me you put up a fight at least."

Alice grinned. "You know something? All the smart money was on them, but we swept three games without even breaking a sweat. We had pitching, we had hitting, and for the first time in forever we had momentum." As her smile faded, she shook her head. "Still...we probably would have fucked it up somehow anyway."

Nick tilted his head. "You okay, kid?"

Alice let out a breath. "Fine. It's just...I think about Nate and Shaun, but...I never think about all the little things I lost. Cars, baseball, grocery shopping...one-headed cows. Television."

Nick chuckled. "The Roy Goode Show." Alice turned, her eyes going wide. Nick was smiling. "Nick wasn't much for television, but he loved the Roy Goode Show. Watched it every week."

Alice frowned. "There's just so much stuff we're never gonna get back, isn't there?"

Nick leaned against the desk. "Yeah, maybe. But look, kid, the way I see it when you're a long way from home with no way back, you can either spend all your time staring back the way you came, or you can move forward and make a new home where you are now. And it looks like you're doing that."

Alice smiled slightly. "Yeah, I'm trying." She glanced up at him. "So are you."

Nick nodded. "So I am."

Alice sniffed and shook her head. "Well. Ready to keep moving forward, old friend?"

Nick smiled. When she stood up, he tilted his head. "Does that mean you're not gonna open the safe?"

"Right, shit."


	4. How You Been Sleeping

"Please, do not make the fun! This is serious!"

Alice leaned back in her chair, grinning as Curie hovered around her. Well, not literally, not anymore. "If you're really serious about giving me a check up, shouldn't you be wearing that little nurse outfit?"

Curie blushed. 'That' outfit was one Piper had found in an abandoned costume shop and given to her as a joke. "I am a medical professional, and besides that outfit was very inaccurate! I have never seen a nurse wear such things!"

"Oh, I don't know," Alice said with a grin as she tugged Curie into her lap. "I can picture you in it pretty easily..."

Curie's blush deepened and her body melted into Alice's as Alice began kissing her neck. "Mm, yes..." Curie bolted up. "Non! Do not try to distract me! This is very important! If I do not ensure that you are in good health, then who will?"

Alice sighed and let her head fall back. "Okay, okay. Ensure away, doc."

Curie frowned thoughtfully as she began her inspection. "Hm, this would be much easier if I still had my instruments."

Alice smiled fondly. "MIssing the old body?"

Curie smiled sheepishly. "Perhaps a bit. Do not mistake me, I very much enjoy all the new sensations of this body..." Alice gave her a wolfish, knowing grin, and she blushed again. "But my robotic shell had its advantages. I was built for a reason, and every part of me was designed to fulfill that reason. But now...I feel that I have lost that sense of purpose."

Alice frowned. "Yeah. Me too."

Curie perched on the arm of the chair, fingers pressing against Alice's wrist and eyes searching hers. "You feel this way also?"

Alice sighed. "I just...in my old life, I was so driven. To be the best daughter, and the best wife, and the best mother. Then when I woke up here I was so focused on just surviving, on finding Shaun..." She shook her head. "But now...I guess I don't really know which direction to go."

The hand that wasn't taking her pulse rose up to comb soothingly through her hair. "I think it is very human to feel this way, non? That there is no plan?"

Alice nodded. "The thing is, there always has been. Ever since I can remember I've had goals to achieve, things to focus on. But now...with the Institute gone, the Minutemen back, my old life all buried...I should have found a new goal by now, but I'm just standing still."

"And you have never felt this way before?"

Alice frowned. "Once. When Nate was at war, after we got married but before Shaun, I guess I hit kind of a...a rut. Nowhere to go, nothing to do but wait."

"And how did you end this rut?"

A slight, sad smile crossed Alice's face. "I...met a woman. Camille. I fell...I'd been with girls at college, but I think Camille was the first time I actually fell in love. We were together for less than a year, but when we were...she was my everything. Every thought I had was about seeing her."

"And this Camille...she loved you also, yes?"

"Yeah," Alice whispered.

"But...she did not stay with you?"

Alice winced. "No. No, she didn't." Curie was still watching her, and she sighed. "She was...bigger. More masculine. There were a lot of rumors about her, that she preferred women, and back before the War people didn't..." Alice shook her head. "Anyway, she decided she'd had enough gossip and she got it in her head to move out to California. She, uh...she asked me to go with her."

"But you did not?"

"I...I was married. And at the time that seemed...I don't know, maybe I was just scared and used that as an excuse. Anyway she left, and after that I was...lost again for a while. But then Nate came back, and I dedicated myself again, and..."

As she trailed off, she looked up to find Curie smiling down at her thoughtfully. "It sounds to me as though...when you speak of being the good daughter, and wife, and mother, and this Camille...you find this meaning in your life through the people you love."

Alice blinked. "Yeah. I guess so."

Curie glanced up at her from under her eyelashes with a smile. "Then perhaps such people...Piper and Cait and I, and all the friends you have made in this time...we can help you find this new purpose?"

Alice smiled as Curie leaned in to kiss her. "Yeah. Maybe so."

Curie's hands slid down to her shoulders, her mouth curling into a smile as she climbed astride Alice's lap. "Until then, I have one very important purpose for you to fulfill..."

Alice grinned as Curie's hands stroked down her shoulders, onto her chest. "And what purpose would that be, doc?"

She leaned in for a kiss, only for Curie to shove her back into the chair with a grin. "Sit still for your check-up!"

As Curie climbed off of her, Alice could only laugh.

When you got right down to it, maybe the end of the world wasn't so bad.


End file.
